redemption

i'm scared to fall asleep.

because i know i'm fighting alone now.
i am alone.
i am so shameless, i can't talk this out with my friends.
it's too embarrassing to say i miss them.
i don't want to seem desperate or vulnerable.

i'm scared to fall asleep.
because you're not there anymore.

hate is a strong word

go fucking fix yourself.

and while you're at it,
stop dragging my friends down to your fucking level.

pine cones and hurdles

at the last track meet, i rolled my ankle on a pine cone, and sprained it. wow....
well i'm better now. i should be able to run monday; yay!

in other news.

my life has been wonderfully bliss right now. my science fair grade is now a 27o/3oo, meaning i got an a! whooooo, i might even go thank my teacher. haha no, i'm joking. i deserved that a.

so the other day, a band from the near-local university, usc, came down to vphs to play for us at lunch. i love the tone of his voice, but he needs works. at least i didn't say it out loud, like everyone else.

yesterday, i woke up realizing i had no plans for the day. so i called lina up and we hung out at the block, and seeing 17 again. it was cute. that's all i have to say. there were some things i didn't like but... i'm not going to say anything.

today, i'm going to the movies again, but with someone else. we're seeing adventureland. (:

oh and i hate pine cones. i want to sue them and ruin their species.

perfect company

what is the perfect company?

someone who you can depend on, talk to, no, wait... uhm, i don't know! i can't describe my perfect company, but you're pretty damn close! i really appreciate you for not freaking out when i freak out. i appreciate you waiting on me. i appreciate your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your company. your hand in mine.

i really can't find another better. you're golden. you never ask me to change, but somehow you get me to, in a positive, beneficial way. when my face turns into a tomato from all the outside voices, i can hear you smile above it all, and i can always hide within your arms.

i've never really had a desire for attention, certainly not this kind. no, i am just about always blushing when around you. so when something like us leaks onto public range, i can't help but want to run. but you can wait, and maybe then i'll just find the courage to come back and face it -- with you.

sun kissed

here comes the sun .... finally.

so since i'm in track, i am exposed to the maximum availability possible of uv rays. which means i'll tan. but see, i tan really easily. i won't ever sunburn, but i will tan. so, right now i have such a major sports bra tan. is that supposed to look good? cause right now, it's just annoying. it's like i can only wear tank tops with the racer-back style or it'll just blind people. but hey, i'm tanning my legs at the same time. beggars can't be choosers.

i've had about four meets since i've joined and honestly, they are really boring and fun. i can feel myself become a better runner, too. maybe i'll learn something by the time season's over. oh yeah, i also improved my 100m time -- 15.7 seconds!

my dad finally bought a house, and it's pretty. i get my own room -- hallelujah. so tomorrow, bright and early, i'm grabbing a handful of friends and heading over to paint my room, play intense twister, and swim! sounds like funnnnn, then i have to completely and solely devote myself to my science fair project. ok, i am focus. kieu, you will not slack off! but i am so excited, i am inviting lina, delaney, andrew, andy, ryan, and jack! they are a good bunch. x]

today, i had a biology test and a geometry test. i thought it would be harder, but biology was surprisingly easy. geometry was, as usual, extremely longggggg. i barely finished half the test. it was about 12 pages. insane...

but yeah i am very excited, no drama as of now, so i am living in the moment!

molly.

i know what you are molly hartley....

sometimes, choices are not your to make. sometimes, someone will steal the remote and decide to fast forward -- and not tell you what you missed. that's never fair. bleh, what in this world is even fair anymore?

ok, so my teachers decided to gang up on me. i had a track meet yesterday, didn't get home until seven thirty. ate dinner, showered, now it's about eight thirty. so i start doing my two biology labs, then i finish my health homework. but wait, i have tests in both those subjects tomorrow, so i have to cram. now it's about ten.

wait. i have a spanish exam tomorrow, too, and i need to do the extra credit online. so print that out. now, i still have math homework to do. about fifteen, or maybe fourteen pages of a packet and twenty-some questions from the book. ok, let's finish this.... and i fell asleep.

i had to beg my math teacher for an extension for the homework. and in class, i got in trouble. i don't understand, what the hell did i do? i'm the good quiet kid in corner during geometry. i always do my homework (ok, scratch that), i get as on the tests, so geez lighten up. gosh, i'm just a stressed out freshie.

and things got worse; tomorrow, bright and early, i have yet another track meet at fred kelly at nine in the morning. ughhh. it's an eight by two, so... i'll just smoke all those other school's asses and get home to my miserable homework and untouched science fair project.

someone, please please please keep me focused. i need to finish this.

white houses

crashed on the floor when i moved in
this little bungalow with some strange new friends
stay up too late, and i'm too thin
we promise each other it's 'til the end
now we're spinning empty bottles
it's the five of us
with pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
i can't resist the day
no, i can't resist the day

by vanessa carlton

so yesterday was really fun. i hung out with a group that is as genuine as i can possible get, attending vphs. the five of us painted the whole town red, or at least, the place we were at. being new to the school, i couldn't really find my group until now, i think i have it solved. of course we have little secrets we can't tell -- in white houses?

so yesterday, i went bowling with my friends, for my birthday. yay, kieu's fifteen now. eric put the bumpers up and we played ping-pong bowling. hahaha, he's actually pretty good at bowling. he can play just about any sport.

i can see myself moving in with lina in the future. we have so much in common and we get along so easily. why, yesterday, we both chased down the bubba shrimp mascot. and .... he ran away. haha!

picking favorites is never my first choice, nor anything i would want to jump at. but delaney is my favorite twin. she's always smiling. delaney's an amazing swimmer and an even more amazing cook. she made me cookies for my birthday. x]

even though he should have been working on his science fair project, travis took some time out of his busy-body schedule to come to my birthday dinner. it's so easy to get along with travis because he likes asians -- i'm asian, and i like white people -- he's white! :D

i feel really loved -- haha. i didn't realize how nice and sincere vphs is. a lot of my friends simply remembered my birthday and called to wish me happy birthday. i thought that was really nice considering there is now im, text, and email. but to hear their voice, them saying "happy birthday," i thought i might have heard them smiling. that made me feel happy.

thanks everyone. x)