butterflies

you know how when you like someone, you get butterflies in your stomach? i used to really like that feeling, but now, it's just making me sick. it's like one little butterfly was like poison or something and it's giving me the flu.

"Anticipation is killing me when
Butterflies have knives, cutting up my insides."
Automatic Loveletter

i was just listening to music, drowning in my own self-confusion, when Someday by Automatic Loveletter began. I was thinking ugh, a love song. But this line just like shouted at me. yes. yesss, this was exactly how i'm feeling.

i have a case of evil butterflies!

ok, so yesterday, my friends threw a party for my birthday, but before all the cake and singing, someone(s) happened to damper my mood. so when everyone sang to me, idk, i tried to enjoy myself, but i think everyone saw past me. i think, idk if i'm a good actor or not. i think they did, though, cause i'm pretty sure i looked like i was about to cry. so here i am, stuck in another teenage crisis.